I feel violated

I love looking at Google Analytics to see what search terms people type in to land on my site. The keywords are usually pretty obvious (“emily morganti blog” for example), or have something to do with dollhouses (“tomy dollhouse” and “christmas roombox” crop up a lot). Back when I was complaining about my crappy experience with a Chase late fee, I got a lot of visits from people trying to hunt down Kelly Hanick, Chase’s customer service guy. Et cetera.

Okay, those all make sense. Even searches like “a puzzle that puts a house together” and “adopt a pet like emely” make sense, in a wonky internet kind of way. But what happened today does not make sense, because today someone found this site by searching for “daddy sniffed my panties.”

*shudder*

Of course, upon seeing this, the first thing I did was type that phrase into Google to see what happened. The search returned so many pages of porn I couldn’t even find my website among them until I restricted the search to this site only. As it turns out, Google thinks that a short story I wrote, Story of O, is a decent match for that phrase. Not because it contains the exact phrase (which it doesn’t), but because it contains, at various points in the text, the words “daddy” and “my” and “pants.”

So I guess I should apologize to whoever it was who waded through all those pages of porn to land on my short story—which in spite of having the same title as an erotic novel and being a tad racy, is not porn, and depicts neither daddies nor panty sniffing.

(I can’t wait to see what happens to my search traffic after I post this blog entry…)